Almost back in Holland

As most of you may know, I am now entering my last week in Zhongguo for the time being. This world around me, once absolutely surreal, has become my reality. I've become caught up in the life here. I have made friends with people all over the world- my german and italian, particularly, have improved greatly. I have made enemies too- well just the one, and I still don't know exactly why, haha. I have survived the barren path that it is to study Chinese for three months, where quite a few around me have given up on at least part of it. It's not an American-comedy-success-story: There were moments when sitting through another class seemed unbearable- the Chinese was difficult, and there was this one person scoffing at my failures and questions constantly. Yesterday was a particularly good day actually- I was going home after the worst speaking class I've ever sat through (because I didn't understand anything.. there are good and bad days!). I didn't feel like facing character class- but then I decided I wouldn't let a random person dictate what I do and don't do in life. So I went back to class. Wrote down the damn characters for the day. And asked the person what her problem was with me. I should have done it a while ago, but I guess I never wanted to see more trouble than was actually there... In any case, even though there were no concrete results, I'm glad I faced the issue.
I made friends with a local dog who now follows me around jumping happily every time he sees me, to great amusement of everyone around. I have tried nearly all the food available. And honestly, if someone were to tell me now that I would never eat Western food again, only Chinese food, I'd be fine with it. How can I ever go back to potatoes?? Or knives and forks for that matter! I can even say the simplest things in Chinese now- not much, really not much at all,  but enough for everyday life.
But the biggest changes are in attitude. I've grown to accept failure and awkwardness when attempting to speak in Chinese. I've become used to not understanding almost anything that goes on around me. My ever-reading eyes can now handle not being able to read the 'letters' around me. My hearing adapted to different sounds, my health adapted to different air. I have been with people who are older than me, often much older, and I got along with them just fine. I lived alone, washed my own clothes (didn't even ruin anything!) cleaned my room, handled my money, made my own decisions. I can handle people staring at me, even when I walk in the wrong direction. Hell, I can handle any type of situation basically. As we'd say in Dutch- kom maar op!


What can I say? It is a form of success. To everyone who thought going to China alone was stupid, or crazy, or that I wouldn't be able to do it? Yeah, no. With many failures and some bad moments, I came out okay. Not perfect, but changed and I think quite a lot stronger. I have proven what I wanted to prove- but I'm not done yet. I've been here for three months almost, and I really don't feel like leaving at all- it's time to have a little time off and to visit home, but my job here is not done ;-).


Lots of love!


Su fei